Posts In: raising a toddler

Toddlerland

May 21, 2018

The landscape within me changed. The geography around me shifted. I at once knew this path and my feet were at home. Yet I was also lost.

I looked at the deep lines on my belly, were they directions? Were my expanded hips and breasts there to point me in the right way as I navigated this wild territory?

New mama.

I did not know at the time, how to travel, with child, through my house, to the store. Let alone, the world. Getting in the car required at least three trips to and from door.

Two years and now my son and I can walk together. The path is not easier.

I am. We are. I am more at ease with the wild of this. Better at stumbling and even falling.

Falling.

My two year old likes to fall down and giggle. fall down and whine. fall down and crawl under the couch to get the balls that he repeatedly rolls under there😂 We fall together, and there is so much to see when we are that low to the round.
I don’t always rush to get up, dust off, and pull me and him and us “together”, not now.

Falling is landing, sometimes. An offering of perspective from a truly humble and grounded space.

Many of my fallings in mamahood have been just that. Necessary “slow downs”, pull backs, full stops. Essential opportunities to really really see who I am, now. Where I am, now. What matters, now.

To be sure, there’s something radiant, powerful, freeing about rising, expansion, speed, getting there fast. There’s comfort and esteem in seeming “together.”
There’s also something so honest, so real, so deep, rich, and profound in the sometimes unreasonable, seemingly detoured space of toddler land where things go to fall apart. 😂

That’s were I am at today and apparently for at least the next year, at least.

Who else is in toddlerland with me? How y’all doing?

Motherhood both reveals superpowers that I didn’t know I had as well as soft and tender places that I hadn’t felt in to.

Watching folk come for Cardi B and her pregnancy announcement gave me pause and I have to say I rarely comment on whatever “pop” culture is, but listen, I am here for Cardio B y’all! AND I rebuke the narrative that becoming a mama inherently stunts “career” growth. Does it change the way one navigates? Yes. Do I feel like it somehow shrank my options and opportunities? Nah.

Some notes:
✔️An external eye can’t gauge the internal growth that mamahood demands OR predict what else giving birth will open a person up to giving birth to.

✔️My personal experience is that becoming a mama raised the stakes in a way that unleashed a kind of efficiency, creativity, and radical “take no bullshit” that nothing in my life had. So I rocked with it.

✔️My boundary game leveled up after the birth of my son. Ways I used to leak energy or allow it to be drained have been plugged up by the beautiful and challenging fullness of #momlife because I literally ain’t got the time for that extra.

✔️I’ve gotten more clear on what I want to do. Because of that I make moves and ask for guidance that honor and support my direction.

✔️Motherhood revealed inner, familial, and other resources that I wasn’t aware of. I’m much better at gathering support and asking for what I need when I need it.

Radical growth, deep creativity, resourcefulness, fierceness, and self-advocacy are some of the {super} powers that mother hood amplified and unleashed in me.

What superpower(s) has becoming a mama revealed to you?

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